| PEOPLE |
 |
 Paul Ryan Fires House
Chaplain for Mentioning Poor in Morning Prayer
And for not being paid to say it. |
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| MEDIA |
|
Press Freedom Index: U.S.
Drops to 45th
According to an underground rumor. |
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| BUSINESS |
|
Wells Fargo Fined $1 Billion
For Selling Unnecessary
Products to Consumers
Including Unnecessary Product Insurance. |
|
 World's First Bank
Run Entirely by Humanoids Opens in China
Everything works smoothly, but just try and get a loan. |
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| SCIENCE |
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Study: Far More Gorillas
Than Previously Thought
We just don't notice them. |
|
 Amazon-Owner Jeff
Bezos's Blue Origin to Begin Sending Humans to Space
Next Year
Those willing to pay for Prime can return in two days. |
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Biggest 3-D Map of Our Galaxy
Shows 1.7 Billion Stars
Still to come: street view. |
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| HEALTH / MEDICINE |
 |
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“Pharma
Bro” Martin Shkreli Now in Federal Prison
Selling cigarettes for $500 apiece. |
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