| PEOPLE |
 |
 Impeach
Trump Billboard Appears Near Mar- a-Lago
Thousands more expected. |
|
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Trump Adviser Roger Stone
Warns of Armed Insurrection
If Trump Impeached
Goes on to say, “if you don't already own
an assault rifle, now would be a good time
to get one.” |
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| ENTERTAINMENT |
|
Hollywood: All-Girls Remake
Of Lord of the Flies Planned
After all-male remake of The Women went nowhere. |
| |
| BUSINESS |
|
Wells Fargo Reveals Even
More Fake Accounts
They just arrived by stagecoach. |
|
 Confederate
Flag Sales Boom
Buyers “very fine people.” |
|
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| MEDIA |
|
Fox News Poll: Americans Think
Trump Is An Unstable, Dishonest,
Immoral Bully
But they like him anyway. |
| |
| SCIENCE |
|
Report: Elon Musk Spending
Millions to Merge Brains,
Computers
Hopes to eventually see humanoids driving Teslas
in a hyperloop on Mars. |
| |
 Fifteen
Mysterious New Cosmic Radio Bursts
Prompt Range of Theories
Could be a sophisticated message from
an advanced civilization, or nothing more
than a stupid prank by an advanced civilization. |
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| CONSUMER NEWS |
|
 Organic Doritos
Debut, Hoping to Get Shelf Space in Upscale Markets
Note: “organic” adds a dollar to price,
“all-natural” another fifty cents,
“fair trade” kicks it up another quarter. |
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