| PEOPLE |
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Trump Wants
Secret Service Protection
To protect him from everyone he's insulted. |
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Trudeau Promises
Canada Sunny Ways
And plenty of fodder for the tabloids. |
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Tony Blair Now
Takes Blame for Iraq War
After thinking it over for twelve years. |
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| BUSINESS |
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Maker of India Pale Ale Offers IPO
After a few bottles, seems like a damn fine
investment. |
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Tesla Stock Takes Hit After Consumer
Reports Rescinds Recommendation for
Model S Sports Sedan Over Reliability
Suggests you buy five mid-size sedans instead. |
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| SCIENCE |
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Researchers Prove Quantum
Theory Einstein Called Spooky
Just in time for Halloween. |
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Living Organisms Existed on Earth
4.1 Billion Years Ago, 300 Million
Years Earlier Than Previously Thought
And they're still around look under your sink. |
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2015 Could Be Hottest Year Ever
Something to tell your grandchildren about. |
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| HEALTH / MEDICINE |
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Study: Stroke Risk Linked
To Stressful Jobs
Suggests showing up late, leaving early. |
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| CORRECTION |
 |
 |
| |
| Last
week, a story about the upcoming
Republican debate was accompanied
by the wrong picture. Above is the correct
one. We apologize for any confusion. |
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