| MISCELLANEOUS |
 |
 Illinois Congressman
Accused of Using Campaign Funds to Turn New Office
Into “Downton Abbey”
Spent $10,000 alone on tea. |
|
| |
| MEDIA |
|
Brian Williams Takes Hiatus
After He’s Caught in
Embarrassing On-Air Lies
Will use time to make some corrections
in his memoirs. |
| |
| TECHNOLOGY |
|
Some Car Engines' Roar Now
Augmented by Sound Effects
From Stereo
Crashes also augmented, with
added screams. |
| |
| SPORTS |
 |
|
Plus-Sized Model Added to
Latest Sports Illustrated
Swimsuit Issue
Plus-sized, as in normal. |
|
|
| PEOPLE |
|
 |
| |
Manson Wedding Delayed
As Marriage License Expires
Fortunately, gifts can be returned for refund
or store credit. |
| |
| ODDS 'N' ENDS |
|
Doubts Raised About Discovery
Of To Kill a Mockingbird Sequel
Doubts also raised about Catch-23. |
|
 Bottle of
McDonald's Secret Sauce Attracts Bid of
$18,000 on Ebay
By a man of great wealth and poor taste. |
|
|
 Four Surviving Magna Cartas
Displayed on Its 800th Anniversary
Anyone caught stealing them will be
granted a speedy trial by a jury of his peers. |
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