| PEOPLE |
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 Sorry Guys, Amal Alamuddin Is Taken
She's married in Venice. |
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| ENTERTAINMENT |
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 YouTube Hit
“Epic Meal Time” Gets Network's Attention
May be first YouTube hit to be made immediately into restaurant chain. |
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| BUSINESS |
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Report: Billionaires Holding
On to More of Their Money
Saving it for rainy day when angry
mobs with pitchforks approach. |
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 Gold ATMs Debut in Singapore
Impatient money launderers find them handy. |
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| SCIENCE |
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 Recently Detected
“Proof” of Big Bang Now Debunked as
Space Dust
You can go back to your previously held understanding
of how everything came to be. |
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Scientists Manipulate Brain Switch
That Controls Ability to Make
Decisions Based on Past Experience
Research funded by casino moguls,
conservative think tanks. |
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 India's Thrifty Mars Program Puts Two
Probes in Orbit Around Red Planet
For less than it costs a family of four to go the movies. |
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| MISCELLANEOUS |
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Study: Men of All Ages Want
Women in Their Mid-20s
Consider women in their early 20s too immature,
women in their late 20s too mature. |
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