| PEOPLE |
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 Revealed: New York's Cardinal
O'Connor's Mother Was Jewish
His remains will be moved to a different
cemetery and a sandwich will be named
for him at the Carnegie Deli. |
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| BUSINESS |
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Dunkin’ Donuts Will Expand in California
Californians will also expand. |
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Supreme Court: POM Can Sue Coca-Cola
for Selling Pomegranate Juice With
Practically No Pomegranate In It
Also, drug dealers can sue Coca-Cola
for selling Coke with no cocaine in it. |
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 Heinz to Supply Ford With Tomato
Fiber Pellets to Replace Metal,
Plastic in Cars
Reduces overall weight, and goes
great with fries on hot days. |
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| SCIENCE |
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Theory: Man's Face Evolved to Better
Absorb Punches
We were getting beaten up so much
by Neanderthals we had to do something. |
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Evidence Found of Vast Underground
Ocean 3 Times Larger Than Those
on Surface
Enough water to dump our trash in for
another 200 years. |
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 Canadian
Dentist Wants to Clone John Lennon From
His Tooth
Once cloned, he'd like to fix the
rest of Lennon's teeth. |
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| HEALTH / MEDICINE |
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Cellphones Ringing in Pants Pockets
Could Be Contributing to Male Infertility
That's your wife calling with the test results. |
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Poll: 36% See Themselves as
Overweight, 69% Actually Are
“O would some power the giftie
gie us to see ourselves as others
see us,” says pollster. |
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