| PEOPLE |
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 Assad Re-Elected
in Syria, Receives 88.7% of Vote
Supporters disregard his use of
chemical weapons: “Everybody makes
mistakes.” |
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| BUSINESS |
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Hot New Silicon Valley Start-Up, Twitch,
Lets You Watch Others Playing Video
Games
For those with no life of their own whatsoever. |
|
GM's Internal Investigation Finds
No Wrongdoing by Higher-Ups
Blame stops at third floor. |
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 Brooklyn Man Threatens Lawsuits
Against Anyone Using His Trademarked Symbol for Pi
All scientific research suspended
as lawyers, mathematicians mull their next move. |
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| SCIENCE |
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Study: Chimps Best Humans
In Short-Term Memory Tests
Chimps now banned at all blackjack tables. |
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NASA Shocked to Discover
Earth-Like Planet 17 Times
Size of Earth
Scientists on that planet shocked to
discover planet like theirs that's so small. |
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Looks Like Einstein Was Wrong About
Quantum Entanglement
And you were right. |
| |
 Stunning Hubble Photo
Captures 10,000 Galaxies
But it's only worth a thousand words. |
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| HEALTH / MEDICINE |
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Texas Republicans Support
“Restorative Therapy” for Gays
Reject “restorative therapy” for bigots. |
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