| PUBLISHING |
 |
 Rush Limbaugh's Rush Revere and
the Brave Pilgrims Wins Children's
Choice Book Award
Tells true story of courageous patriot
who, while high on Oxycontin and
getting hassled by airport security
about his penis pump, saves our
Founding Fathers from Feminazis. |
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| |
| BUSINESS |
 |
Talk of “Global Wealth Tax”
Worries Superrich
Could force them to seek tax shelters on
other planets. |
|
Maker of Botox Rejects
Takeover Bid
With no apparent emotion. |
|
 Grand Theft Auto
Maker Tops Forecast for 1st Quarter Earnings
Car thieves spending more
time gaming, less time stealing cars. |
|
|
| SCIENCE |
|
Musk: Ticket to Mars Will
Cost $500,000
$395,000 for coach. |
|
“Biggest Dinosaur Ever”
Discovered in Argentina
Announcement timed to coincide with
world-wide opening of Godzilla. |
|
 Great Red Spot
on Jupiter Shrinks Dramatically
Strong environmental regulations credited. |
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| |
| ENVIRONMENT |
|
Antarctic Glaciers Melting
Could Lead to 15-Foot Rise
In Sea Levels in California
Now's the time to buy beachfront property
in Nevada. |
| |
| TRAVEL |
|
Airlines Now Charging Extra for
Reclining Seats
Say sitting up in rigid upright position for
11 hours good for your back, builds character. |
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