PEOPLE |
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Kanye West
Performs at Kazakhstan Dictator's Grandson's
Wedding
It's believed he received monetary compensation. |
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ENTERTAINMENT |
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Disney World Announces Air-
Conditioned Waiting Areas
Where Kids Can Play on Slides
While Waiting With Their
Parents to Go on Rides
Say idea inspired by Purgatory. |
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BUSINESS |
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Dow Jones Average: Nike, Goldman
Sachs, Visa Replace BofA, Alcoa, HP
Who are sent down to minors. |
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Airlines Made $27 Billion in Fees,
Non-Fare Revenue Last Year
No need to sell tickets. |
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Twitter Tweets
Intention to File for IPO
Shares will be sold to first 50 million clever quips. |
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SCIENCE |
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Voyager I Becomes First Manmade
Object to Leave Solar System
Expected to eventually plant seed for
infinite number of civilizations that
worship either Chuck Berry or Carl Sagan. |
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Study: Gold Comes From Colliding Dead Stars
But more commonly, from deceased relatives. |
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Researchers: Men Yield to
Temptation Due to “Intensity
Of Their Sexual Impulses”
“No clue” what makes women yield. |
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Recent Excavations
at Stonehenge Show Site Had Nothing
to Do With Sun Worship
It was simply a dump for large stones. |
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HEALTH / MEDICINE |
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Companies Offering E-Cigarettes
in Cotton Candy, Bubble Gum, Atomic
Fireball Flavors
To appeal to adults. |
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