| POLITICS |
 |
 Jeb Bush:
“Immigrants are More Fertile”
Especially when denied birth control. |
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| ENTERTAINMENT |
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Universal Theme Parks Will
Offer Rich Chance to Skip
Ahead in Lines, For a Price
Because we wouldn't want them to have to experience
what life is like for the rest of us. |
| |
| BUSINESS |
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Yippies' Building Foreclosed
By yuppies. |
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Letter From Chinese
Slave Labor Camp Smuggled Out in Halloween
Decorations Discovered by Customer Who Bought
Them From Kmart
Also discovered: letter from underpaid worker
at Kmart store where it was sold. |
|
 Construction Resumes on Largest
U.S. Home, Dubbed “Versailles”
That and several guillotine startups clear signs
of improving economy. |
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| MEDIA |
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Palin Returns to Fox News
Swallows return to Capistrano. |
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| SCIENCE |
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Eight 3,000-Year-Old Boats
Discovered in England, One
Still Floats
They've been sold to Carnival Cruise Line. |
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Study: Female Birds Prefer Males
Who Are Good Dancers
And pay for dinner. |
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2.6 Billion-Year-Old Water
Discovered in Canada
Scientists add Seagram's, declare experiment
a success. |
| |
 Evolutionary
Geneticists Blame Menopause on Men's Preference
for Younger Women
Blame men's preference for younger women
on lingerie ads. |
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| HEALTH / MEDICINE |
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Surgical Robot Faces Series of Lawsuits
Will be defended by robotic attorney. |
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