| POLITICS |
 |
 Michele Bachmann
Says She's Not Running for Reelection
GOP spending $2 million on lavish retirement party. |
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| MISCELLANEOUS |
|
Mississippi Man Sues Lawn
Mower Maker After Being
Attacked by Yellow Jackets,
Then Run Over by His Lawn Mower
Says he'll also sue the next sonofabitch
who thinks it's the least bit funny. |
| |
| TECHNOLOGY |
|
Pentagon Developing Beam Weapon
That Inflicts Extreme Pain
Also developing anti-beam weapon that
relieves extreme pain. |
|
New Hand-Gesture Vocabulary Being
Developed for Computer of Future
Instead of clicking a mouse or swiping a track
pad, simply pick your nose. |
|
 Original
1976 Apple-1 Sells for Record $671,400
Buyer faces a deluge of upgrades. |
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| TRAVEL |
|
Upcoming Trial of Captain of Costa
Concordia to Include Testimony That He
Was Distracted by Moldovan Dancer
He'd Invited to the Bridge
His defense: who wouldn't be? |
| |
| LEISURE |
|
Bad News: Studies Suggests
Subway Will Be Heard in LA’s
Disney Concert Hall
Good news: should enhance 1812 Overture. |
| |
| ODDS 'N' ENDS |
|
 |
| |
JCPenney Slammed for Selling
Tea Kettle That Resembles Hitler
And waffle iron that looks like Mussolini. |
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| SPORTS |
|
Wrestling Hopes to Regain Spot in
Olympics by Making Rules Changes
Boasting, strutting about, smashing
opponents with metal folding chairs will be
permitted. |
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