| PEOPLE |
 |
 Anthony
Wiener May Run for NY Mayor
Already enjoys huge fan base on Twitter. |
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| ENTERTAINMENT |
|
“Ding Dong the Witch is
Dead” Hits No. 1 on UK Pop Charts
Following Thatcher's Death
Remaining Munchkins grateful for whatever
royalties her passing brings. |
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| BUSINESS |
|
Markets Higher on Increased
Chinese Consumer Demand for
Imported Goods
They're beginning to buy some of the stuff made
in our sweatshops. |
|
In Sluggish Economy, Some Job
Opportunities Exist
For expert sign-spinners. |
|
 New Kool-Aid
Man Unveiled
Spiffed up character comes decades after
drinking Kool-Aid became a metaphor
for blindly following orders to commit mass
suicide. |
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| SCIENCE |
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Texas Congressman Cites Noah's Ark As
Evidence Against Climate Change
Also as evidence against same-sex marriage. |
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Hurricane Forecast Warns 2013
Could Be Worse Than 2012
2014 worse than 2013, 2015 worse
than 2014. |
| |
 Scientists
Think They've Found Missing Link
“Looks like Cheetah and Tarzan had a baby!” |
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| HEALTH / MEDICINE |
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Taco Bell Announces It's Switching to
Healthier Menu, But Not Until 2020
By which time most current customers
will be dead. |
|
White House Approves Dramatically
Raising Allowable Levels of Radioactivity
in Drinking Water
Something to talk about tomorrow at the
water cooler. |
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