| PEOPLE |
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Gingrich to
Quit Presidential Race
Focus on becoming Emperor of the Moon. |
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| INTERNET |
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Google Spends Record
$5 Billion on Lobbying
As a result, hardly anyone in Congress uses Bing. |
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| BUSINESS |
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Billionaires Form Company to Send
Robotic Spacecraft to Mine Asteroids
And become trillionaires. |
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Apple, Through Numerous Legal
Maneuvers, Pays Less Than 10% in Income Taxes
Of course, you too could legally set up subsidiaries
in Ireland, the Netherlands, Luxembourg and the
British Virgin Islands if you were so inclined. |
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| HEALTH / MEDICINE |
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Mad Cow Disease Outbreak in California
Discovered by Random Chance
Dept of Agriculture official: “We just
got lucky.” |
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Doctor Claims to Have Found
G-Spot
But locked in legal battle with ex-wife
who insists she found it. |
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 Pizza Hut Debuts
Pizzas With Cheeseburgers in Crust
Delivered right to your hospice. |
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| SCIENCE |
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Astronomers Say Planet 22 Light Years
Away Could Be Habitable
And quite affordable. |
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Studies: Rich More Likely
To Cheat at 4-Way Stop Signs
A surprise only to people who don't drive. |
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