| PEOPLE |
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Hugh Hefner
Reportedly Joins Planking
Craze
Or he's dead. |
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| BUSINESS |
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Forbes: 400 Richest Americans
Pay 18% Tax Rate Since Bush Tax Cuts
A spokesman for the 400 Richest Americans
told reporters "It may not sound
like much, but that's a lot of
money." |
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Kraft to Split Into Two
Companies
One for sugared products, the other for
salty. |
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U.S. Fast Food Franchises
Thrive in Russia
But Borscht in a Bag flops over here. |
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 Taiwan-based
Foxconn, Electronics
Manufacturer, Will Replace
1,000,000 Workers with Robots
Workers will be dismantled and
sold for scrap. |
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| SCIENCE |
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Japanese Scientists Make
Sperm From Stem Cells
Finally eliminating the nuisance of sex. |
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New Theory: Earth Once
Had Two Moons
And was twice as romantic. |
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Chinese Scientists Determine
Time Travel Impossible
Or we'd have been visited thousands of times
by greedy jerks from the future who'd run up
huge fortunes on Wall Street. |
| |
 Expert:
Chimps Capable of Shooting Rifle
Expert taken to hospital; present condition
unknown. |
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| HEALTH / MEDICINE |
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Survey: Half of Americans
Drink Booze
The rest must wait until they're 21. |
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Getting Even a Little
Exercise
Better Than Getting None
Same for sex. |
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