| NEW PRODUCTS |
 |
 An
Amphibious Bicycle?
Or an inflatable raft with
pedals, you be the judge, but
this innovative form of
transportation won't cost a lot.
Developed by ballplayers fleeing
Cuba, it's $99 at all Surf 'n'
Turf Hubby Shops. |
|
| |
| MISCELLANEOUS |
|
 Tree
That Grows Buddha-Shaped Pears
Chopped Down
Owner replacing it with Marilyn
Monroe-shaped apples. |
|
| |
| TECHNOLOGY |
|
More Simultaneously Watch
TV, Use Internet
Text, eat, masturbate while driving. |
| |
| SPORTS |
|
Court Ruling Could Weaken
Leagues' Anti-Doping Rules
And fill more seats. |
|
Stadiums
Warned to Watch for
Terrorists
Disguised as sports fans. |
|
 |
|
|
| FEATURE |
 |
| The Defund ACORN Act is: |
| A ) | unintentionally
hilarious in that it also
may defund big military
contractors. |
| B ) | unintentionally
progressive for the same
reason. |
| C ) | unintentionally
educational because it’s still a “bill of
attainder,” which you vaguely recall from
college is unconstitutional, but don’t have any idea
why. |
| Hint: this
is what Google is for. |
|
|
|
| |
| FASHION |
 |
 |
Big Hair is
Back!
Airlines, cinemas brace
for problems. |
|
| POLL |
|
62% of Americans Under Fifty
Oppose Sending More Troops to
Afghanistan; 52% of Those Fifty and
Over Support It
Only 1 in 10,000 from either group can
spell Afghanistan and find it on a map. |
|
