| PEOPLE |
 |
 Bush,
Clinton Make First Appearance
Together
Hosted by Jerry Springer, show features surprise
appearances by Monica Lewinsky,
guy who cleared Bush of DUI. |
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| ENTERTAINMENT |
|
Twitter TV Show in
Development
Due to latest writers' contract, scripts
of less than 141 characters do not
qualify for compensation. |
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Time Warner to Sell AOL
Looking for buyer who's been in coma for
10 years. |
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| BUSINESS |
|
Bad News: Economy Sinks at
5.7% in 1st Quarter
Good news: it’s only 5.7%. |
|
Nation’s Banks Turn
Profit in 1st Quarter
Investing bailout funds in Ponzi
schemes. |
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We Now Own Most of General
Motors
“You're gonna love this
company,” says dealer who sold it to
us. |
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| SCIENCE |
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Human Language Gene Changes
Mouse's Squeak
Eventually, researchers hope animals can
do own cartoon voiceovers, saving movie
studios millions. |
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47-Million-Year-Old Primate
Fossil May Be Missing Link
Would connect simple, carefree,
nature-dependent homo erectus with complex,
conniving, cynical homo sapiens. |
| |
 Vastly
Improved Hubble Now Sees
Too Far
Astronomers complain
refurbished telescope
sees universe before it
was formed. |
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Dark Energy Could Provide
Power Needed to Make
Workable Warp Drive
Or at least one more Star Trek sequel. |
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| HEALTH / MEDICINE |
|
Playing Bridge Three Hours a
Day Keeps Mind Lucid in Old Age
Control group that played Slapjack didn't
fare as well. |
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