| PEOPLE |
 |
 |
“Reagan
Diaries” Reveal Surprisingly Hands-On President
Unlike Bush, wrote own diary. |
|
|
Joe the Plumber Quits GOP
So as not to become a distraction. |
| |
| MEDIA |
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Losing Readers, Playboy
Considers Radical Changes
Like no more articles. |
| |
| BUSINESS |
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Consumer Confidence Rises
Again in May
After Pfizer promises to give Viagra free
to men who lose their jobs. |
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Food Companies, Unable to
Guarantee Safety, Add
Disclaimers to Products
Like, “To prevent the growth of
deadly bacteria, heat to 4000°
Fahrenheit.” |
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Corporations Protest Obama
Plan to Crack Down on Tax
Dodging
Call paying taxes “creeping
socialism.” |
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| SCIENCE |
|
Shuttle Takes Harlem
Globetrotters Basketball Into Space
Part of experiment to measure effects of
zero gravity on shameless promotions. |
|
Prediction of Rising Sea
Levels From Melting Ice Caps Cut in Half
Public told to seek slightly higher
ground. |
| |
 Experts
Call First
Representational Art
Carved 35,000 Years Ago
Leap in Cognitive
Capacity
Caused by really big
boobs. |
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| |
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Study: Monkeys Can Regret
Missed Opportunities
Many regretted not getting picked for different study. |
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| HEALTH / MEDICINE |
|
FDA Blasts Cheerios for Claiming
Drug-Like Health Benefits
Especially Extra Frosted Chocolate
Cheerios. |
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