| PEOPLE |
 |
 “Roving
Ambassador” Bill
Clinton Raising
Funds for Wife's
Campaign
(Shown) Bubba putting
squeeze on Sharon
Stone. |
|
|
Pope Benedict Once Again
Opens Mouth
To change feet. |
|
Wolfowitz, Girlfriend
Reportedly Split
Each agrees it's time to begin seeing
other warmongers. |
| |
| ENTERTAINMENT |
|
 Mickey
Mouse Rip-Off Preaches Holy War
on Hamas TV
Then shows cartoons. |
|
| |
| BUSINESS |
|
Secretive Carlyle Group Will
Sell Shares to Public
Membership in Illuminati not included. |
|
 Boeing
Rolls Out First Commercial
Airliner Designed For Americans
Features wider aisles, roomier
seats, bigger barf bags. |
|
|
| SCIENCE |
|
Big Bang Theory Debunked in
Latest Meteorite Analysis
Universe may have begun with long, boring
overture. |
|
Researchers to Test
Retrocausality, or Traveling Back in Time
Will be first such test, they think. |
| |
| |
 New
Camera Tracks Eyeball
Movements
It's being marketed
primarily to jealous
wives. |
|
|
| |
| HEALTH / MEDICINE |
|
One Drink a Day May Slow
Mental Decline in Elderly
Seniors urged to patronize restaurants
with Early Bird Happy Hours. |
| |
| ENVIRONMENT |
|
Study: Forests in Northern
Hemisphere May Contribute
To Global Warming
Prompting EPA call for more acid rain. |
| |
| ALSO IN THE NEWS . . . |
|
Executive
Order Gives Bush Authority
To Seize Absolute Power
Slay enemies, seize their
assets, sit on throne. |
|
