Ironic Times

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PAGE TWO – JULY 31 - AUGUST 6, 2006
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PEOPLE
Charles Barkley, Mulling Run For Alabama Governor, Switches From Republican to Democrat
Finds philosophy, food better.
 
MEDIA
Not Realizing Microphone On, Bush
Used Bad Word at G-8 Summit

FCC fines CNN $495,000.
 
INTERNET
Study: News on Internet “Old”
After 36 Hours

Then new again after another 36 hours.
 
HEALTH / MEDICINE
Research Indicates Children of Strict Disciplinarian Parents Are Heavier
But they show up on time for dinner .
Study: Ice Cold Watermelons a Lot Less Nutritious Than Warm Ones
Voted Least-Appreciated Study of the Year.
N. E. Journal of Medicine: “Broken Heart Syndrome” Can Actually Damage Heart
But likely to help with songwriting career.
SCIENCE
International Scientists Group: World “On Verge of Biodiversity Crisis”
Policy makers: They’ll have to come up with sexier word than “biodiversity.”
 
Cassini Spacecraft Spots Lakes on Titan
Bad news: they're methane, 180 below zero. Good news: no mosquitoes.
 
PHONE MESSAGE OF THE WEEK
Thank you for calling the United States Government International Crisis Line. Your call is important to us, and will be answered by an operator in the order it was received. Meanwhile, if you’d like to leave a message about an urgent, international crisis, please press one. If your message is about a humanitarian emergency, press two. If you need immediate assistance to stop widespread bloodshed or the massacre of civilians, press three. If United States intervention is needed right away to avert World War Three, press four. If you would like to learn more about our military weapons sales program, please stay on the line, and an operator will be with you shortly.

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