| FOOD |
 |
15-Pounder
Makes Debut in
Pennsylvania
Heart Association calls
giant burger “assisted
suicide.” |
|
 |
|
| |
| TRAVEL |
|
Travel Industry Association
Sounds Alarm on Declining Tourism in U.S.
Image of Americans abroad as arrogant,
xenophobic, paranoid bullies may have
something to do with it. |
| |
| SPORTS |
|
England: Fans Furious at
U.S. Sports Tycoon's Purchase
Of Manchester United
His first promotion, “Hooligan
Half-Price Night,” doesn't win him
any friends, either. |
| |
| HIGH TECH |
|
Microsoft Developing One-Stop
PC Tune-Up
Computer users urged to get their PCs
tuned up every 3,000 naked celebrities. |
|
 Manufacturer
Says Heart Not Damaged By
Their Stun Guns
Extensive testing on
detainees in Uzbekistan
proves Taser's model X26c
(shown) safe. |
|
|
| FEATURE |
| Who
Said It? |
| “We have put
Joseph Stalin on the
cover. We have made
Adolf Hitler person of
the year.” |
| A ) | Editor of Totalitarian
Week listing their
greatest accomplishments. |
| B ) | Publisher of People
in Hell on his
favorite issues. |
| C ) | Time
Magazine's John
Cloud, explaining why
they put Ann Coulter on
the cover. |
| Hint:
“We should invade
their country, kill their
leaders and convert them
to Christianity.” |
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| |
| MISCELLANEOUS |
|
Tokyo Establishes Women-Only
Subway Cars to Stop Groping
Women who want to be groped can continue
to ride other cars. |
| |
| CORRECTION |
| |
| In our
Entertainment section we
described a recent remake of the
classic movie Inherit the
Wind, about the famous trial
in 1925 pitting a high school
teacher who defies religious
fanatics trying to force him to
teach the biblical story of
creation instead of evolution in
his science class. In fact, no
remake is planned, and the story,
about a current conflict in the
state of Kansas, is news and
should have been identified as
such. We regret the error. |
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