| ART |
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Idaho Art
School Raided by Cops
According to Erotic
City's owner (left),
students were
“taking their final
exams” when police
burst in and arrested
everyone. |
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| SPORTS |
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Major League Baseball, Facing
Criticism, Toughens Steroid Penalties
Offenders must wear scarlet letter
“S” on uniform sleeve or cap. |
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| PETS |
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Germany Opens
First Dog Wash
Dogs enter, select
“regular wash”
or “hot wax,”
then proceed to cashier. |
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| MISCELLANEOUS |
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Study: Good Looks Mean Higher
Pay
And if you're really hot, the sky's the
limit. |
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U.S. Plans to Convert
Offshore Oil Platforms Into Fish Farms
Once they've caught all the fish, farms
will be converted back to oil platforms. |
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Slovenian
Beauty Queen Records
Higher IQ on TV Show Than
Nuclear Physicist
Scientist complains he
was
“distracted”
during test. |
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| FEATURE |
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| Explaining why
“There is no trust
fund” for Social
Security, President Bush
referred to “just
IOUs.” These IOUs
are: |
| A ) | A
random collection of
scraps of paper with the
letters “IOU”
scrawled on them. |
| B ) | Cash
from the “Monopoly”
game, which can be used
to buy property or traded
for “Get Out of Jail
Free” cards. |
| C ) | U.S.
Treasury bonds backed by
the full faith and credit
of the United States
Government. |
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| The
“affected unit”
provision in The Clear
Skies Bill will: |
| A ) | Set
limits on mercury
emissions from coal-fired
power plants near a body
of water affected by the
pollution. |
| B ) | Protect
affected mothers and children
from mercury poisoning. |
| C ) | Exempt 39% of all
coal-fired power plants
from having to cut the
mercury they release into
the air and water. |
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| EDUCATION |
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U.S. University Enrollment
“In Decline”
Nevertheless, most Spring Break
destinations report record crowds. |
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