| ODDS 'N ENDS |
 |
 Santa Glut
Threatens Holidays
Law may be amended to
allow limited hunting of Santas. |
|
|
Lincoln Was Gay, Claims New
Book
Spurs movement to put him on three-dollar
bill. |
|
Hawks Evicted From Fifth
Avenue Building Attack Co-Op Board
President
Peck his eyes out, feed his liver to
chicks. |
|
Scientists Discover Oldest Wine, From
7,000 BC, in Northern China
“It was a bit tangy,” they
report, “but after the third
bottle we didn't really care.” |
| |
| SPORTS |
|
Baseball: Washington
Nationals Moving to Montreal
Team will change name to Expos, play in
Olympic Stadium. |
|
Yankees
Obtain "Big
Unit" in Trade
41-year-old robot signs
20-year, $300 million
deal. |
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| Our
government has decided to require
a special license to publish
dissident authors from countries
we don't like because: |
| A ) |
it's a courtesy to repress authors
already repressed in their own countries. |
| B ) |
the First Amendment
isn't really part of the Constitution per
se, which is why they call it an amendment. |
| C ) |
if the word
"dissident"
doesn't set off a few alarm bells, you're
still living in a pre 9/11 world.
Wake up. |
| D ) |
nobody better
suited to evaluate the potential
danger of a book than a
bureaucrat working for the
Federal Office of Foreign Assets
Control. |
|
The
Social Security Crisis
According to the
Congressional Budget Office,
Social Security will fail to meet
promised benefits for the first
time in the year 2052, unless the
government takes back the tax
breaks it has given to: |
| A ) |
people like you. |
| B ) |
family farmers, small businessmen, and your
mother. |
| C ) |
you,
personally. |
| D ) |
those earning
over $500,000 a year. |
|
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