| SPORTS |
 |
 |
Rocky Balboa Loses
to Apollo Creed
Fight stopped after sixth round. |
|
| |
| ENTERTAINMENT |
|
Spike Lee Sues to Stop TNN
from
Changing Its Name to "Spike TV"
Spike Milligan sues Spike Lee; Spike
Jones sues Spike Milligan. |
|
Study: Music Preferences
Linked to Personality
Conclusion: most people are gangsters. |
| |
| MEDIA |
|
Rumor: Al Gore May Create
New Cable Network
“Sigh TV” target audience
will be ineffectual centrists with an interest in
ecology, says source. |
|
Mad Libs News Channel Debuts
Morose terrorists hopscotch smugly to
Philadelphia inside a chartreuse birdbath. |
| |
| BUSINESS |
 |
|
Forehead
Advertising Debuts in
England
Advertiser must get
permission first. |
|
|
| HEALTH / MEDICINE |
|
Scientist Extremely Elated to
Discover Flawed Gene Related to Bipolar
Disorder
But deeply depressed that it may be
years before a treatment can be developed. |
|
AMA Seeks Stronger Tobacco
Warning
Suggests, "Smoking Will Kill You,
You Dumb, Fucking Sonuvabitch." |
| |
| RELIGION |
|
Gays Who Accept Jesus Christ
as Their Savior Can Become Straight,
Say Southern Baptists
Southern Baptists who accept Judy
Garland as their savior can become gay,
say homosexuals. |
| |
| CORRECTION |
|
| A recent editorial, which read, “Tony Blair is
a pathological liar who has consistently and
deliberately distorted the truth, plagiarized
from others and misled the public,” was
mistaken. It should have read, “Jayson Blair
is a pathological liar, (etc.)....” Also, in the
same issue, an article which read, “Jayson
Blair is a lying, deceitful prevaricator
without scruple or conscience," should have
read, “Tony Blair is a lying, deceitful
prevaricator, (etc.)...” We apologize for the
confusion. |
|
|
