| MISCELLANEOUS |
 |
 Lure of
Kennedy Award Nabs Five
Notables in Sting
Van Cliburn, Jack
Nicholson, Luciano
Pavarotti, Quincy Jones
and Julie Andrews were
all wanted for unpaid
parking tickets. |
|
| |
| INTERNET |
|
Internet Celebrates 100th
Birthday
On December 12, 1901, the first
pornographic image was sent through the
mails. |
| |
| ENTERTAINMENT |
|
Erin
Brockovich Given Network
Show
Based on “past
accomplishments as a
crusading environmentalist,”
says ABC executive,
“and her voluptuous
breasts.” |
|
 |
|
|
| BUSINESS |
|
Ford Study: Company Did Not
Profit
From Nazi Slave Labor
“Whole damn thing a money loser from
the get-go,” says spokesperson. |
|
Enron Splits 3-For-1
Shares now three times as worthless. |
| |
CONSTITUTIONAL
REVIEW
According
to the Constitution, the
United States is at war
when:
A) A plurality of randomly sampled
Americans thinks we're at
war according to the
Gallup Poll
B) The Supreme
Court agrees by a
majority vote to strap
official Star Wars Light
Sabers onto belts under
their robes while
uttering warlike shrieks
C) The President
says we are
 |
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