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PAGE TWO - NOVEMBER
12 - 18, 2001 |
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AIRLINES,
GOVERNMENT EXPLAIN DIFFERENCE
BETWEEN
“ALERT” AND
“HEIGHTENED ALERT” |
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ALERT |
HEIGHTENED
ALERT |
| Screening |
Make
sure no terrorists get on
plane |
Make
damn sure no terrorists
get on plane, no kidding! |
| Baggage |
Check
for bombs |
Actually
try to check for bombs |
| Coffee |
2
cups |
4
cups |
| Carry-ons |
No
guns, knives |
No
guns, knives, anthrax,
missiles |
| Cockpit |
No
unauthorized visitors |
No
unauthorized visitors,
drinking, parties |
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| PEOPLE |
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Carmen Electra
Arrives for Something or
Other
An awards show,
possibly. |
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| MEDIA |
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Game Show, “Guess What's
Happening in Afghanistan?”
Replaces News
Blindfolded reporters fabricate stories,
studio audience picks ones they like. |
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Geraldo Rivera Will Open
Kandahar
Terrorist Cave in Prime Time
Believes it may contain bin Laden's
treasure. |
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| SCIENCE |
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Transistor Made From a
Molecule
Breakthrough promises AM radios that fit
on the head of a pin. |
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Report:
Sheep Can Recognize,
Remember Faces of Other
Sheep for Years
But can't remember their
names. |
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Egyptian Doctor's Tomb Unearthed
in Sakkara Dates to 2200 B.C.
Discovery
includes surgical instruments, 30 patients still
waiting to be seen. |
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©
Copyright 2001 Ironic Times |
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