| SPORTS |
 |
Rain Delays
Twins Game
Postponed for 40 days and
40 nights. |
|
 |
|
|
Newest Heavyweight Champ
Knocks Self Out
Wins, loses title; demands, agrees to
rematch. |
|
Fantasy Baseball Leagues Pass
Real Ones in Popularity
“We're thrilled,” says
imaginary spokesperson. |
|
XFL Ends Season On
“Up” Note
No one killed. |
| |
| RELIGION |
|
Rap
Officially Declared
"The Devil's
Music"
Replaces
rock and roll, which
replaced boogie-woogie,
jazz, Dixieland, ragtime. |
|
 |
|
|
| COKE-PEPSI COMPARISON |
 |
| It's the
real thing |
| Christina
Aguilera |
| Russia |
| C.I.A |
| Army, Air Force |
| B-52's, Minuteman,
Titan missiles |
| Fructose
(derived from corn syrup) |
|
|
 |
| The joy
of cola |
| Britney
Spears |
| China |
| N.S.A. |
| Navy, Marines |
| F-18's, Trident,
Cruise missiles |
| Fructose (derived
from corn syrup). |
|
|
|
| |
| LIFESTYLE |
|
Mental Capacity of Parents
Fluctuates Over Time, Say Children
Study shows decline, recovery. |
 |
|
