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| | Every so often Ironic Times takes
a look at some of the innovative new
products about to hit the market . . . |
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THE HYBRID GAS
RANGE
Take a conventional gas oven and add
MP3 capability and you have the new
Hybrid Gas Range from Music Chef. Plays
up to two hours of near-CD quality music,
long enough to roast a 14-pound turkey.
Self-cleaning. |
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THE INTERNET-READY
ELECTRIC TOOTHBRUSH
Developed under an alliance of
Microsoft and Colgate, you’ll soon
be able to surf the web while scraping
the plaque and tartar off your bicuspids.
Two speeds, with an extra brush head for
the missus, and a smut filter to keep
junior away from any offending sites. |
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THE DESK-SIZED PDA
Ever want the ease and convenience of
your mobile personal digital assistant on
your desk? Now you can, with the Palm
Desk Organizer. Stores hundreds of phone
numbers and addresses; keeps track of
appointments through the year 2099. Comes
with a one-year warranty and toll-free,
24-hour support. |
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HIGH-DEFINITION
X-RAY GLASSES
A vast improvement on the original
X-ray glasses, which have been around
since the '50's, these
super-peepers promise 1200 lines of
resolution, enough to bring out the
leering, dirty old man in everyone. Not
available in some rural areas, for
several totally unrelated reasons. |
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THE HOME PARTICLE
ACCELERATOR
A chance for the whole family to
learn about trace elements with this
handy cyclotron from Fermi, a respected
name in the field. Invite the neighbors
over as you split atoms into
God-knows-what. Hours of fun. |
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THE BUICK
TRUCKSICLE
Still waiting for that PT Cruiser you
ordered last March? Maybe you should
cancel the order and take a look at the
new Buick Trucksicle, a retro van updated
with the latest in suspension and
refrigeration. The standard 6-cylinder
automatic comes with power steering,
power brakes, jingle bells, and 4 cases
of fudgicles. White only. |
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©
Copyright 2001 Ironic Times |
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