Ironic Times

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PAGE TWO – JANUARY 14 - 20, 2019
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PEOPLE
Pope Francis Can Spin a Ball on His Finger
His first miracle; needs two more for sainthood.
Trump Already Planning 2nd Inaugural
Will replace National Anthem with Frank Sinatra's “My Way.”
 
ENTERTAINMENT
Woodstock 50th Anniversary Plans Another “Three Days of Peace and Love”
Next year, Altamont's 50th promises another “Three Days of Beatings and Killings.”
 
BUSINESS
Disney World's New Slogan: “Now More Than Ever”
Also applies to Disneyland where price of admission has gone from $117 to $129.
Paris: Nudist Restaurant Closing After Only 15 Months of Operation
Doing great at night, but business drops off at breakfast, lunch.
NEW PRODUCTS
Unveiled: $7,000 Smart Toilet With Built-In Amazon Alexa Speaker
“Alexa, wipe my ass.”
 
SCIENCE
Scientists Baffled as Earth's Magnetic North Pole Shifting Quite Suddenly
It's affecting global navigation, smartphones, Santa.
Elon Musk Unveils Mars Spaceship
It will carry 100 adventurous, extroverted types to the red planet, providing years of drama, romance and intrigue for billions of us here on Earth.
 
HEALTH / MEDICINE
Memorial Sloan Kettering Cancer Center Announces Top Executives May no Longer Serve as Highly Paid Board Members for Drug and Health Care Companies
“This isn't the Trump administration,” it adds.

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