Ironic Times

page one
PAGE TWO – OCTOBER 11 - 17, 2004 
page three

ELECTION '04
Suspicious- Looking Bulge Fuels Speculation Bush Was Fed Instructions in First Debate
White House says President was merely being reminded to scowl, smirk and act like he didn't have a clue.
 
PEOPLE
Cher to Shoot Nude Magazine Spread
Turns down million dollar offer to keep her clothes on.
 
MEDIA
Fox News Blames "Fatigue" For Posting Fake Kerry Item on Web Site
Blames "narcolepsy" for rest of coverage.
 
TOYS
Barbie Beaten, Robbed by Bratz Dolls
After driving Corvette into bad neighborhood, following directions supplied by Ken.
Finally, a Shotgun No Bigger Than a Credit Card!
You know how it is: you're on a crowded elevator, some big jerk steps on your toe, your sore toe, and you just want to pull out a blunderbuss and blast the bum to kingdom come, but all you can do is fantasize about it. Until now. The ultra-portable Sneaky Pete Double-Barreled Shotgun practically fits in your wallet. Hell, I won't leave home without it. $99.95, at Concealed Weapons For Less and Assassins Surplus Outlet.
 
SCIENCE
Administration Now Claims
Saddam Both Did and Did Not
Have Nukes Before War

Quantum physics explanation based on
Schrodinger's cat paradox.
Burps, Farts From Sheep, Cows
Account For 20% of World
Methane Emissions

Another 20% from burps, farts of researchers studying problem.
 
HEALTH / MEDICINE
Study: Gambling Healthy for Elderly
Seniors advised to bet their entire Social Security check “on red or black.”

FRONT PAGE
PAGE TWO
PAGE THREE
ARCHIVE
CONTACT
STORE
   Copyright 2004 Ironic Times