Ironic Times

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PAGE TWO - MARCH 25 - 31, 2002
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GOVERNMENT
Cameras Planned for D.C. Monuments
Abraham Lincoln will be watching you.
NEA Gets Budget Increase
Of $64 Billion

Missile Defense System re-classified as performance art.
 
BUSINESS
Toyota Camry Still the
Most-Stolen Vehicle

Thieves want reliability, not flash, with good leg room and a decent-sized trunk.
NBC, Citing Public Responsibility, Drops Hard Liquor Ads
Move follows drunken brawl in corporate boardroom.
 
MILESTONES
Alfred E. Neuman Turns 50
Will celebrate at his ranch in Crawford, Texas.
SCIENCE
Million-Year-Old Skull: Homo Erectus Migrated from Africa to Asia, then Back
Didn't care much for Asia, say anthropologists.
Study: Chewing Gum
Makes You Smarter

Education crisis over.
 
HEALTH / MEDECINE

FDA Approves
Cure for Common Cold

Will allow limited sales in a variety of floral scents.
 
HIGH TECH
Attendance at World's Largest Tech Trade Show Down 18% from Last Year
But calculation is made 18% faster.
 
ANSWER TO LAST WEEK'S PUZZLER:
Al Gore, by more than half a million votes.
HOW AMERICAN EMPIRE STACKS UP WITH THE GREATS
Dates   Most Colorful Characters   Memorable Quotes
Roman 49 BC - 395 AD   Julius Caesar, Caligula   "Veni, Vidi, Vici."
British 1588 - 1930   Queen Victoria, Dr. Livingston   "You're a better man than I am, Gunga Din."
American 1945 -
?
  John Rambo, George W. Bush   "We will rid the world of
evil-doers."

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