Ironic Times

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PAGE THREE - AUGUST 6 - 12, 2001
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HISTORY
Grant Now Viewed More Favorably
New scholarship portrays him as saving the Union and single-handedly reviving the distillery industry.
 
LIFESTYLE
More Burger King “Kids Meal Toddler Toys” Rated Defective
“Choke-on-me Flav-R Balls,” “Poke-Me Poke-You Stiks,” and “Hot-Hot Don't- Touch! Fire Game” among recalls.
 
PEOPLE
President's 3 Favorite Books
Revealed by First Lady

They are: The Prince and the Pauper, The Little Prince, and The Prince.
 
PICTURE OF THE WEEK
Penguins Finally Return Christmas Presents
Additional time was allowed for the slow-footed animals.
GUEST COLUMN

 
My Turn
by Goofy
Garsh, people are always asking me a question that has puzzled our greatest thinkers for years and years, and that question is: What am I? Man? Dog? Horse? Two guys in a suit?
Shucks, I don't rightly know. But I can say with some degree of certitude that my creator, Uncle Walt, is not cryogenically preserved in ice, nosiree Bob. People who say that just want to believe he'll come back some day, like Jesus, but he won't, so forget it.
Now, if anyone knows what I am, I'd like to hear from them.
 
MISCELLANEOUS
New Poll Finds Bush #1
Jenna most popular first daughter ever.

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