 TRUMP NAMED
TIME'S PERSON OF THE YEAR
Edges out Moo Deng, Hawk Tuah girl. |
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| WORLD NEWS |
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Putin Gives Kim Zoo
Animals as Thanks for
Providing Troops
They'll be proudly displayed in
Pyongyang Zoo, then eaten. |
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| ENVIRONMENT |
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“Forever Chemicals” Found in
European Mineral Water
Particularly in bottles of boutique
brand Forever Water. |
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| ALSO IN THE NEWS ... |
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 Jesus's Crown
of Thorns Returned to Notre Dame Cathedral
Along with his comb, wallet, other personal items. |
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| U. S. NEWS |
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Trump Vows to End
Daylight Saving Time
“I think I'll leave it to the states.” |
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Report: Trump Thinking of
Privatizing Postal Service
And then the military. |
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| REMINDER |
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Be nice to your smart speaker,
the singularity is coming. |
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Trump Says on Day One
He'll Deport Immigrants,
Pardon Insurrectionists
Out with the good, in with the bad. |
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Trump Wants to End
Birthright Citizenship
While keeping in place Trophy Wife Citizenship. |
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| POLITICS |
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 Don Jr's Ex-Girlfriend
Kimberly Guilfoyle Named Ambassador to Greece
“She was becoming a major
nuisance,” says one source. |
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