| PEOPLE |
 |
 Trump: “Black
People Like Me Because I Got Indicted”
“Just wait until I'm convicted,” he adds. |
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|
 Russia: Navalny's
Body Finally Handed Over
Family says they'll donate his
balls to science. |
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| BUSINESS |
|
Biden Hits Russia With
New Sanctions
Americans can expect to see
prices soar for borscht, blinis. |
|
Massive Nationwide Cellphone
Outage Paralyzes Country
Millions rush to grandma's house
to use her landline. |
| |
| HEALTH / MEDICINE |
|
 First Surgical
Robot Begins Operating on Space Station
“We're ready to do butt lifts, nose
jobs, chin tucks — you name it,” says
first astronaut from Beverly Hills. |
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| SCIENCE |
|
 NASA Seeks
Volunteers for Year-Long Simulated
Mars Mission
You must be healthy, a non-smoker,
and willing to wait up to 20
minutes for latest gossip. |
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|
 U.S. Lands
Spacecraft on Moon for First Time
Since 1972
Built and financed by private company
that operates driving ranges and resells
used golf balls to pro shops. |
|
|
 Study: Great
Apes Tease Each Other Just Like Humans Do
That's why they're considered such great apes. |
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| FACTOID |
|
U.S. Has More Golf Courses
Than McDonald's Restaurants
More pickleball courts than delicatessens. |
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