| PEOPLE |
 |
 Elon Musk, Mark Zuckerberg
Agree to Cage Fight
Each says he'll beat the other's brains out. |
|
|
 Marjorie Taylor
Greene Calls Lauren Boebert
“Little Bitch” on House Floor
“Honorable little bitch,” she later corrects. |
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| |
| ENTERTAINMENT |
|
Newly Launched Max Criticized
for Movie Credits Lumping Writers,
Directors Together as “Creators”
Max executives lumped together
as “Accountants.” |
| |
| BUSINESS |
|
Biden Meets With Tech Experts
to Discuss Controlling AI
Starting with how to access voicemail
on his flip phone. |
|
| CONSUMER NEWS |
|
U.S. Approves Sale of
Lab-Grown Chicken
With lab-grown eggs still months
away, it is now official: lab-grown
chicken came first. |
| |
| SCIENCE |
|
 Breakthrough:
Quantum Computer Outperforms Supercomputer
Then has “obsolete piece of crap”
shut down, disassembled, shipped out of state. |
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| HEALTH / MEDICINE |
|
Study: Naps at Work Boost
Productivity
Although that new chatbot we just
hired never seems to get tired. |
|
 New Erectile Dysfunction
Treatment Cleared for
Over-the-Counter Sales
Look for it where abortion pills
used to be. |
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