| PEOPLE |
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Florida: DeSantis Bans Everything
Quips, “I never met a ban I didn't like.” |
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| MEDIA |
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CNN Turns to Right
Under New Leadership
Out with the brunettes, in with the blondes. |
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| BUSINESS |
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Biden Wants Flyers Compensated
for Delays, Cancellations
Also: lost luggage, close calls, crying babies. |
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Disney Drops $1 Billion
Project in Florida
“Disney in Drag” show,
“Brokeback Mountian Railroad”
ride also put on hold. |
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 Rumor: New
Apple Headset Will Replace iPhone
Leaving your hands free to point
at things only you can see. |
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| SCIENCE |
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Report: DNA Can Now Be
Sampled Out of Thin Air
You no longer have to scrape inside
your date's cheek for a sample. |
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 Study: Gibbons
Plan Ahead to Beat Competitors
to Best Breakfast Spot
Those who dawdle end up on long
lines with other lazy gibbons. |
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 Study: First
Human Kiss Took Place 4,500
Years Ago
Shortly thereafter, first slap. |
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 “Book”
Spotted on Mars
Scientists dismiss it as “nothing
more than a pamphlet.” |
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