| PEOPLE |
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John Bolton
Announces He's Running for President
His campaign slogan: “My stache
is better than your stache.” |
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 Book: Prince
Harry's Memoir Unflattering to Royal Family
Depicts them as uptight, inbred imbeciles. |
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| BUSINESS |
 |
 Musk Behind
on Rent at Twitter
Rumors circulate he's barricaded
in his office, bathing in his sink. |
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| CORRECTION |
| |
 Last week, in a story
about frequent physical confrontations in
Taiwan's parliament, we erroneously ran
this picture of our own House of Representatives.
We apologize for any confusion. |
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| SCIENCE |
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Biologist: We're Living
Through a Sixth Mass
Extinction
And the third since Gerald Ford was
president. |
| |
 World's Most
Powerful X-Ray Machine Goes
Into Operation This Year
It's expected to be capable of
seeing through people's clothes,
and underclothes, at a distance
of four miles. |
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| HEALTH / MEDICINE |
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Macron: France to Offer Free
Condoms to Adults Up to 25
Diaphragm manufacturers condemn move
as “unwise,” “job-killer.” |
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Study: Ballroom Dancing
Staves Off Dementia
However, ballroom dancing often
early sign of dementia. |
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