Ironic Times

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PAGE TWO – JULY 22 - 28, 2019
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PEOPLE
Video Emerges of Trump, Epstein Ogling Girls at Mar-a-Lago Party
At one point Trump can be seen saying to Epstein, “I'm not a fan of yours.”
 
MEDIA
Study: Hate Speech on Twitter Predicts Actual Hate Crimes
Previous unnecessary studies came to same conclusion.
 
BUSINESS
Disney Heiress Goes Undercover at Disneyland, “Livid” at Worker Pay, Conditions
Finds gaunt, sickly Goofy eating out of park trash cans, while Snow White turns tricks after park closes.
 
CONSUMER NEWS
Arby's Counters Impossible Burgers With Carrots Made From Meat
Already a big hit with “closet carnivore” vegans.
SCIENCE
Study: Chimps Bond With
Each Other as Well as
People After Watching
Film Together

Surprising change in relationship observed after they all watch Planet of the Apes.
AI Solves Rubik's Cube in
Fraction of a Second

But can't solve mystery of life, yet.
 
Millions Plan to Storm Area 51 on September 20th
Many claiming to be relatives of extraterrestrials held there.
 
Study: Fish Can Recognize Themselves in a Mirror
But have trouble remembering each other's names.
 
HEALTH / MEDICINE
Study: Swearing Increases Pain Tolerance by One Third
Punching wall while swearing evens things out.

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