| PEOPLE |
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 Pope Francis
Approves Change to Wording of Lord's Prayer
Now begins: “The Lord is my lifestyle coach,
I shall not lack for entertainment...” |
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| BUSINESS |
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Amazon: Drones Will Be Making
Deliveries in "Months"
First deliveries will be pink slips to
Amazon truck drivers. |
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New Walmart Service to Deliver
Groceries Inside Customers' Homes
So don't worry if someone's banging around
downstairs — it's probably just the Walmart
delivery guy. |
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 Charmin Introduces
Toilet Paper Roll That Lasts 3 Months
Then announces it's going out of business. |
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| SCIENCE |
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Navy Pilots Report Seeing UFOs
on Numerous Occasions
Latest theory: they're billionaire time
travelers from the future. |
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 NASA to Charge
Tourists $35,000 a Day to Visit International
Space Station
Gratuities included. |
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| HEALTH / MEDICINE |
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Report: Chicken No Better Than Red
Meat at Reducing Cholesterol
Based on comparative autopsies of Col. Sanders,
Ray Kroc. |
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| ENVIRONMENT |
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Study: Just One-Half Degree Difference
in Global Warming Means Life or Death
for Thousands in Large Cities in Northeast
“Mostly Democrats,” says
White House, responding to report. |
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