| PEOPLE |
 |
 National Security
Adviser H.R. McMaster Compares Trump's
Intelligence to That of a “Kindergartner”
Later says he meant “in comparison to a preschooler.” |
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Women Coming Forward With
Sex Harassment Complaints
About Men Now Deceased
“Walter Cronkite licked my neck,” says
Pia Zadora. |
| |
| BUSINESS |
|
 Company Selling
575 High-End Bunkers in South Dakota to Superrich
As class war trends nuclear. |
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|
 World's Largest
Starbucks Opens in China
With another one just like it across the street. |
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| SCIENCE |
|
After 50 Years of Looking For It,
New Form of Matter, Excitonium,
Confirmed to Exist
Physicists so excited they give it a silly name. |
|
 NASA Debunks
“Cannonball” Spotted on Mars by UFO
Fanatics
It's actually “a bowling ball,” explains
new head of NASA, a UFO fanatic. |
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|
 Cal Tech Scientists
Create Microscopic Mona Lisa From Strands of DNA
Just before they're fired for “fooling around with the DNA.” |
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Report: Anti-Depressants Flushed Down
Toilet Altering Fish Behavior
They're much easier to catch, don't mind being eaten. |
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| HEALTH / MEDICINE |
|
Study: Humans Have Reached
Their Maximum Height, Fitness
Level, Lifespan
It's all downhill from here. |
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