| PEOPLE |
 |
 Rush Limbaugh
Calls Hurricane a Liberal Media
Hoax, Then Evacuates
To lower ground. |
|
|
Trump Finding Himself More
Isolated in White House
Whenever he takes a shower, all the toilets get flushed. |
| |
| BUSINESS |
|
Layoffs Loom at Disney
Goofy has accepted early retirement, Donald
Duck lawyering up, Minnie Mouse seen house
shopping. |
|
In Wake of Trump’s Nuclear
War Threats, Bomb Shelter Business
Booming
Deluxe shelters come equipped with
AR-15s to keep the neighbors out. |
|
 Chief Economic
Advisor Gary Cohn Tells Magazine,
“Only Morons Pay the Estate
Tax”
1%: “Only a total moron would
tell the press that.” |
|
|
| SCIENCE |
|
There Could Be a Village on
the Moon by 2030
Complete with coffee houses, jazz
clubs, head shops, art galleries, and
two places that sell cupcakes. |
 |
 Black Hole
100,000 Times More Massive Than Sun
Discovered in Middle of Milky Way
Entire galaxy put on a Black Hole Watch. |
|
|
 The Sun Just
Fired Off a Massive Flare, and It's
Headed Toward Earth Right Now
Wear your tin foil hat until further notice. |
|
| |
| HEALTH / MEDICINE |
|
Study: One in Eight
Americans Is an Alcoholic
Worse yet, one in eight married to an alcoholic. |
|
