| PEOPLE |
 |
 DNC's Trump
Opposition Research
Hacked, Leaked to Public
Turns out he's been married before,
maybe twice. |
|
| |
| CONSUMER NEWS |
|
Lethal Airbag Recall Increases
To 85 Million Cars
They're installing them in new cars faster
than they can be replaced. |
| |
| BUSINESS |
|
SEC Approves New Stock
Exchange That Limits
Super-High Speed Trading
Prevents cleverest greedy bastards from getting
leg up on not-so-clever greedy bastards. |
|
Microsoft Developing Software
For Marijuana Industry
Infusing artificial intelligence with
fuzzy logic. |
|
 Rolls-Royce
Unveils Its First Driverless Car
For the man who has everything, except a chauffeur. |
|
|
| TRAVEL |
|
 Shanghai Disneyland
Opens
After being inspected, certified “alligator-free.” |
|
| |
| SCIENCE |
|
Gravitational Waves Detected Again,
Confirming Einstein's Theory
And settling lots of barroom arguments. |
|
Periodic Table Adds Four New Elements
Kardashium, santorium, gymnasium, adnauseum. |
| |
| POLLS |
|
Trump's Poll Numbers Sag
A majority of women, Hispanics, African-Americans,
Native Americans, Asians, Muslims, Jews, Catholics,
Buddhists, agnostics and atheists hate him. |
| |
| CORRECTION |
| |
 Last week, in a story about the world's
largest maximum security prison, we mistakenly ran a picture
of the world's largest luxury cruise ship (above). We regret
the error. |
|
|
