| PEOPLE |
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Monica Lewinsky
Breaks Her Silence
Wanted to wait until Clintons were out of politics. |
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| BUSINESS |
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Colorado Approves Banking
System for Pot Sellers
With free checking for you and your old lady. |
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Wall Street Fears Twitter in Trouble
Rumors of 141-character competitor
has investors nervous. |
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 99.5% of Wonder Bread's Political
Contributions Went to Republicans
Who eat nothing but. |
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| CONSUMER NEWS |
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 Auto Reliability
Declines in Survey
Forty-eighth consecutive year of decline
since 1966 VW Beetle. |
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| SCIENCE |
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Young Blood Counters Aging in Mice
Now you'll never get rid of them. |
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Astronomers Identify Sun's
Sister Star 110 Light Years Away
Separated at birth, haven't seen each
other in 13 billion years. |
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New Stonehenge Theory:
Built by Locals
About twenty years ago. |
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 Study: Modern Humans No
Smarter Than Neanderthals
We just look smarter. |
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| HEALTH / MEDICINE |
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Scientists Create First Living Organism
With “Artificial” DNA
Stunning breakthrough promises cures
for all diseases, administered by clones. |
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| TRENDS |
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After 14 Years, Noah Replaces
Jacob as Most Popular Boy's Name
Most popular girl's name: Maleficent. |
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