| PEOPLE |
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 Clarence Thomas Describes His
Appointment to Supreme Court as
“Totally Forrest Gump”
Life is like a box of chocolates, you never
know when a completely unqualified guy
with a history of sexual harassment is going
to be nominated. |
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 Mick Jagger to
Become a Great-Grandfather
It seems like only yesterday he became a grandfather. |
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| BUSINESS |
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MF Global Holdings Fined $100 Million
For being Mfers. |
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 McDonald's
Advises Employees to Sell
Unwanted Possessions, Eat Less
And report all union organizers to management. |
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| SCIENCE |
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NASA: Sun Will Flip Upside
Down Within Weeks
To remedy it, turn your camera upside down
when taking snapshots. |
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 Deformed,
Pointy Skull From Dark Ages
Unearthed in France
Along with fragments of ancient
“conehead sketch” described
by archeologists as “very funny.” |
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| HEALTH / MEDICINE |
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New York City Raises Smoking
Age to 21
Young smokers can die for their country,
but not for the tobacco companies. |
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Study: Watching Others Exercise on
TV Can Make You Fitter
Be sure to consult a doctor before
embarking on a strenuous program
of watching others exercise on TV. |
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Study: Those Who Eat Nuts
Live 20% Longer
Suggests we eat eight cups of nuts a day. |
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