Ironic Times

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PAGE TWO – MAY 27 - JUNE 2, 2013
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PEOPLE
Gates Regains Title of World’s Richest Man
After winning $590 million Powerball jackpot.
 
ENTERTAINMENT
Disney Fined $80,025 for
Safety Issues at Disneyland,
Including One “Willful and
Serious Violation”

Rodent infestation.
 
BUSINESS
Report: Apple Avoided Paying
Billions in Taxes

And did so with style.
Wal-Mart Blames Weak
Results on Taxes, Weather

One of their Malaysian sweatshops was flooded.
Colgate-Palmolive Applies for Caffeinated Toothbrush Patent
For that jolt of energy you need just before going to bed.
Ferrari to Reduce Sales to Maintain Exclusivity of Brand
Sorry, but you can’t buy the one you’ve had your eye on.
SCIENCE
Study: Cologne Inhibits Female
Sexual Arousal

Guys will want to have emergency cologne handy at all times to deal with any unwanted female sexual arousal they may cause.
European Study: Human Disaster Looms if Global Temps Rise 4ºC
Fortunately, we use Fahrenheit over here.
 
New Theory: Humans Hunted, Ate Neanderthals
Revises current theory that we dated them.
 
HEALTH / MEDICINE
Computers Gaining Use as Human Therapists
Hope is they can some day treat depressed computers.
Diners Greatly Underestimate
Calories in Fast-Food Meals

Many only count triple cheeseburger, neglect to add fries, milk shake, dessert.
 
CORRECTION
 
Last week we reported that CO2 levels in the Earth’s atmosphere were higher than previously believed. In fact, it was drone deaths of U.S. citizens that was higher than previously believed. We apologize for any confusion caused by the error.

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