| PEOPLE |
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 Prince
Harry Compares Shooting Taliban
From Helicopter to Playing Video Games
After hours of blasting apart human beings
you get bored and want to switch to
Super Mario Bros. |
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| ENTERTAINMENT |
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Controversy Swirls Around Beyoncé
Lip-Synching National Anthem at Inauguration
Nobody seems to care about Obama’s
lip-synching inaugural address. |
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| BUSINESS |
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Ex-Prosecutor Named to SEC
Financial sector criminals prepare to have
wrists firmly slapped. |
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Apple Shares Plunge, ExxonMobil Now
World's Most Valuable Company
ExxonMobil releases exPad, first tablet that
runs on fossil fuel. |
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| HEALTH / MEDICINE |
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Bad News: Americans Facing
Obesity Crisis
Good news: we're poised to produce some
seriously good sumo wrestlers. |
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| SCIENCE |
|
 Scientists: It's
Now Possible to Reintroduce Neanderthal
DNA Into Gene Pool
To do jobs homo sapiens won't do. |
|
|
 Orangutans
at National Zoo Using iPads
Find them much easier than typewriters. |
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| CONSUMER NEWS |
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Study: Pomegranate Juice
Usually Contains Little or
No Pomegranate Juice
But you didn’t really want any, did you? |
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