| POLITICS |
 |
 Gingrich
Publicly Pledges “Personal Fidelity”
to His Third Wife
Pledge similar in wording to those he made
to two previous wives. |
|
|
 Romney Says
Blue Cheese His Favorite Salad Dressing
But as Governor, it was Ranch, later Thousand
Island, after that Italian. |
|
|
More Talk of Possible Third
Party
Made up of disgruntled moderates, angry
centrists and apoplectic middle-of-the-roaders. |
| |
| MEDIA |
|
Fox Business News Hosts Call Muppets
Communists
Except Miss Piggy. |
| |
| BUSINESS |
|
NTSB Urges Nationwide Cellphone Ban
for Drivers
Better call your congressman as soon as you pass
this idiot driving the speed limit in the left lane. |
|
| SCIENCE |
|
Scientists Searching for
Elusive Higgs Boson See “Tantalizing Hints”
Of further research grants. |
|
Government Temporarily Halts All
Research Using Chimpanzees
To honor release of “Planet of the Apes” in Blu-ray. |
| |
 Mars
Rover Ends Its Mission
Sends back one last intriguing picture
before going dead. |
|
|
| |
| HEALTH / MEDICINE |
|
FDA Says Risk Warnings on Lap Band
Surgery Ads Not Legible
Though lasik surgery may help you see them better. |
| |
 |
|
