| NEW PRODUCTS |
 |
 Toaster
Produces Image of Jesus on Every Slice!
If you love toast and you love Jesus then you'll love
this toaster, which produces great toast and big crowds,
sometimes in the thousands, every time you sit down
to breakfast. $49, from Skeptics Society. |
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| MISCELLANEOUS |
|
Bureau of
Public Debt Still Collecting Donations to Pay
Down Debt from Public-Spirited Citizens
And there's one born every minute. |
| |
| CONSUMER NEWS |
|
New Website Rents Toys
by the Month
Parents can now rent an adorably cuddly
teddy bear and, thirty days later, tear
it away from their child so they're not
charged extra. |
| |
| SPORTS |
|
NBA Announces Shortened Season
Will make up lost revenue by selling tickets for each half,
and again if you decide to stay for overtime. |
|
| FEATURE |
 |
| The FAA will shortly issue rules
for domestic use of drone aircraft. That drone outside
your bedroom window now is most likely : |
| A ) | Operated
by a drug cartel checking you out for possible home
invasion or kidnapping. |
| B ) | Operated by
local police who got a hot tip on some drug dealers,
unfortunately with the wrong address, which happens
to be yours. |
| C ) | Operated
by your neighbor’s kid, just trying to have a little fun. |
| Hint: just keep your shades drawn.
You have lamps; natural light is overrated. |
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| ODDS 'N' ENDS |
|
 New York
City Posts
New Pedestrian
Warning Signs
in Haiku
One reads:
Hey you with the hat
Want to walk across the street
Fuhgeddaboudit |
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