| PEOPLE |
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 Chain-Smoking
2-Year-Old Trying to Quit
But Sumatran toddler too young to chew
gum or wear nicotine patch. |
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| BOOKS |
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Bush: Book Begins With His
Decision to Stop Drinking
Ends with God telling him to invade Iraq. |
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| BUSINESS |
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Lehman Brothers Sues
JPMorgan Chase
Bets on outcome being sold as securities. |
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FBI Arrests Two at Disney
For Insider Trading
Scrooge McDuck, nephew Donald released on own
recognizance. |
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 America's
Oldest Restaurant, Opened in
1681, Goes Out of Business
Owners blame decision to never
raise prices in 329 years. |
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| SCIENCE |
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Global Positioning System
Getting an Upgrade
Soon you'll be able to precisely pinpoint
your location anywhere in the world, and
so will your wife. |
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 UK: Giant
Crop Circle Depicts Arcane Mathematical
Formula
Appears to be unified field theory. |
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| HEALTH / MEDICINE |
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Study: Milk from Grass-Fed
Cows Healthier
Also healthier: double-chocolate peanut
butter malted milkshakes from grass-fed
cows. |
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Flibanserin, “Viagra for Women,”
Proves Effective in Trials
According to researchers, women given drug were
“much more fun” than those given placebo. |
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Drinking Alcohol Lowers
Diabetes Risk
Raises risk of falling off balcony. |
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