| PEOPLE |
 |
 Rep.
Bachmann: Census Could Be Used to
Put People in Internment Camps
Her thesis: census takers hired
by ACORN identify God-fearing
patriots, report them to liberal
authorities who arrest them or
have them thrown in a
wood-chipper or, in her case,
examined by a team of
psychiatrists. |
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| ENTERTAINMENT |
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Oscars to Double Best Picture
Nominees to 10
Five for Best Buddy Picture, five for
Best Chick Flick. |
| |
| PUBLISHING |
|
Book: Great Works of
Literature Reduced to Tweets
Cliffs Notes reduced to three syllables. |
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| BUSINESS |
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MySpace to Lay Off 30% of
Staff
As sexual predators migrate to Facebook. |
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Mafia Thriving While Global
Economy Collapses
Milton Friedman sleeps with the
fishes. |
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| SCIENCE |
|
 35,000-Year-Old
Flute Earliest Sign Stone Age Man
Played Music
It had apparently been smashed
over someone's head, then crushed
with a stone. |
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|
 Finally:
Proof Water-Filled Martian Lake
Existed 3.4 Billion Years Ago
High-resolution photo of deep
chasm (shown) reveals ancient
shoreline, beach area, boat
rental and snack stand. |
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| HEALTH / MEDICINE |
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 |
| |
Kaiser Permanente Releases
“Risk of Death” Chart
If your weight is normal and you're
feeling fine you should see your doctor
at once. |
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