| OBITUARIES |
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Mr. Peanut,
93
Of salmonella poisoning. |
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| LAW |
 |
S.C. Judge Rules Texas Hold
‘Em Game of Skill, Not Chance
On the other hand, being named to
judgeship entirely matter of luck. |
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| ADVERTISING |
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|
New Trend:
Body Ads
Millions of human
billboards could save
economy. |
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| SPORTS |
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Astros
Shortstop Tejada Charged
With Lying to Congress
A criminal offense,
except when it’s
done by government
officials. |
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NY Times
Seeks to Unload
Stake in Boston Red Sox
To finance revival of No, No, Nanette. |
|
 |
| Most economists agree
that the Troubled Asset
Relief Program is not
working. Congress is
being urged to write off
TARP and fund which of
the following alternative
programs? |
| A ) | Greedy Bankers Assistance
Fund |
| B ) | Irresponsible Executives
Bailout Plan |
| C ) | Feckless Investors
Support Account |
| D ) | Negligent Predators
Finance Administration |
| Hint: Not their
actual names. |
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| NEW PRODUCTS |
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Angry Madoff
Victims Buying Up
“Bernie Madoff”
Devil Dolls
At $1 million each. |
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| ALSO IN THE NEWS . . . |
|
Revealed:
French, British Nuclear
Subs Collided Several Weeks Ago
80-100 million dead. |
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